Bernie Bro Civil War 2020: The Mansplain-Off

Tweet from Cenk Uygur : You take normal political disagreements and make them super personal, but lately you're saying things you can't possibly believe. You gave us progressive credibility? You didn't do anything in news or politics before us. You were considered a progressive because you were on TYT. Tweet from Jimmy Dore:corrrection, they benefited way more from having me, I gave them progressive credibility that they were more than happy to fund raise off of while also taking $20m in Clinton donor cash. In fact, one day Cenk told me “I have to make more Jimmy Dore’s”. Yeah? How’s that going?

Hello, and welcome back for another edition of “Bernie Bro Civil War,” I am your host Bianca, let’s get started, shall we? If you do not know what a Bernie Bro civil war looks like, that’s okay. There is no need to KNOW anything during a Bernie Bro war, honestly it’s best to know nothing. Knowing things means “Learning Things” in our world, but in their world NOT knowing things counts just as much as knowing things. So, why bother with all that pesky learning when we can just wing it like they do? As for the Civil War, the combatants were none other than our TYT host known for doin’ the most, Cenk Uygur, and “Bore to the Core” Jimmy Dore.

Before we get started, I’ll give you a bit of explanation from none other than our own Sally Albright. Sally has spent years observing Bernie Bros in their own natural habitat, Twitter. Bros are taking sides, and it’s super unclear WTF is going on. When this happens, contact Sally.

In case some of you are wondering about the Great Bernie Bro Civil War of 2020, let me break it down for you.
#ForceTheVote is yet another temper tantrum over the pony Bernie promised them that they didn’t get.
Yes, the Civil War is over medicare for all, and this time it’s the TYT people trying to hold back Crazy Jimmy. Maybe they know they’ll be blamed for any bullshit. I will blame them.
Jimmy Dore, a Bernie activist with a podcast, is encouraging AOC and her Squad to threaten to withhold their votes for Nancy and make McCarthy Speaker if Nancy doesn’t promise to hold a vote on M4A.
This is extremely fucking stupid.
Other Bernie Bold Face Names with their own podcasts like Cenk Uygur say it won’t work and it’s a waste of political capital and that would make The Squad and the Bernie Left look weak and ineffective, and even if it works, the vote will fail. (All true.)
Well, duh. Of course. Not only that, but it will prove Abigail Spanberger and the GOP right about how much she helps the GOP.
Dore says it SO TOTALLY WILL work, and even if the vote fails, it “starts a conversation” and all the Members who vote No will lose in 2022 because reasons, and says Cenk and anyone refuses to blackmail Nancy and the Democrats is a neoliberal corporate whore.
There, now you’re caught up. Sit back, pop some popcorn, and enjoy the show.

Let’s open up the event with a bit of mindless drivel from the lovely Briahna Joy Gray, or BJG as she styles herself now.

How is it an indictment on House Democrats that their constituents aren’t pressuring them to vote for M4A? Doesn’t that just say all capsing “YOU WANT POOR PEOPLE TO DIE!!” at Dems isn’t the best sales tactic? I understand that y’all live in a bubble. But, please get out more, kay? I mean post pandemic.

On to the main event. Apparently Jimmy has been hounding Cenk about “Force the Vote”, and Cenk is getting annoyed. Because Jimmy is annoying. Cenk thinks it would be stupid to make Kevin McCarthy Speaker of the House just for Chapo’s Trap House clout.

Apparently Jimmy took some pot shots at a lady, Ana Kasparian, who wasn’t even in the conversation, because it’s Dore. It’s just his way. I like how he hashtagged child at him like I have to do Berniebros. Can irony catch on fire? I hope not.

Apparently Cenk has this exact plan Jimmy does, only he doesn’t want to use it on the Speaker’s vote, because FUCK KEVIN MCCARTHY. Hard to disagree. I hate that part. The agreeing with Cenk part. Not fun.

 

I mean, he’s basically trying to lead a fool out of oncoming traffic.

See what I mean by fool? Force the vote and then what? Nobody knows.

Cenk had to come out and spank his flank too, cause Jimmy made him self conscious with his prestige.

 

Oh, here is the attack on Kasparian!! And lo and behold the entirely stupid attack that it is!!

She took a photo with a public figure, oh how could she? This is SUCH A BORING WAR.

Oh, he’s mad at Cenk because “capitalism.” Look how similar the attacks are no matter who they aim them at? If Dore made one dollar more than Uygur, well, we’d see Cenk pull this same ass card, now wouldn’t we? We would.

LOL! This is funny. Cenk doesn’t like Jimmy getting personal, so he does the whole “i made you” shit that will likely infuriate Dore. So, I can predict with flawless accuracy, that Dore will be wildin’ again today. Expect plenty more Jimmy Dore, a bit more Cenk with his attitude all stank, and more of me enjoying the entire thing from the leftist wing. So, kids, the moral of this story is, Bernie Bros suck.

 

Until next time.

 

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By Bianca Delarosa

Born in Los Angeles, currently residing in the frozen tundra of Alaska. Will eat reindeer in a pinch. Very bad artist, good writer, and powerful witch.