It is finally 2020, and the Primary can still eat an entire bag of dicks. For a Primary that began filled with possibilities, and relative youth and color, this suck-ass primary has become one of the oldest and whitest ever. We have Warren, a youthful 70 years old, and to be honest, she doesn’t look 70 or move like a 70 year old, but still, she’s getting up there in age and wears Struggle-Cardigans. And she’s super white.
Then we have Biden, who is however the fuck old, yet younger than Bernie, and can still rack up victories during the “Feats of Strength” at Festivus, yet…he is STILL old as hell, white as hell, and has the misfortune of having balls and being a “Man.” Ugh. Then we have Bernie. What can I say about Bernard that I haven’t written up in a “Fuck You!” poem? Plenty.
Bernie Sanders is annoying. Sure, I am known to rail against him for my perceptions of his handling of race issues, as I have done to Pete (who is young and can turn things around) MANY TIMES. Many will say my expectations are too high; I will reply that their expectations are too low. I simply expect what white people expect– that Dems who want my vote haven’t caused harm to my demographic without accountability. I am actually a very forgiving person if one admits to their shit. This is why Saint Bernie will never win me over.
Bernie Sanders cannot fail; he can only BE failed, and these days, he is failed by Bianca DeLaRosa not believing in him. Why is it that I went from supporting Bernie to not believing a goddamn word he says? I would tell you right now, but I don’t have time this afternoon to write a 100,000 novel length opprobrium on his trespasses or to engage in a sesquipedalian jeremiad on his many Falls From Grace.
Since this is pretty much your intro into my vetting of Bernie Sanders, I need you to be able to see him as I do.
Imagine an old white guy who has known for years that he is right about everything and manages to “fail up” to the Senate. Then a Black President is elected, and Old Senator Man finds that his common critiques of Dem leaders receive far more traction when directed at him. Not only are people finally beginning to notice he is ALWAYS right, but he becomes popular from standing as a “progressive bulwark” (this is merely a belief, not reality) against the rightward drift of the Administration.
Eventually, this old guy decides maybe he’d better run for President to fix everything the Black Guy messed up. 1,000 cheering crowds and a 4,000,000 vote loss later, the old guy believes he really won, he was just cheated. The people around him reinforce his belief and pump him up to the point that he runs again, fully believing himself to be the most popular politician in America. This is my OPINION. In order to bring you more insight on the man I am about to vet like mad, I have no choice but to borrow from Notorious BIG, and his song, the Ten Crack Commandments.
Have you ever heard the always useful common sense Urban Proverb, “Never get high off your own supply?” Well, if not, go on ahead and click that link, pop on over to take a quick look at the “Ten Crack Commandments” article, then come on back.
Okay, if you are a lazy bastard and refused to click the link, you’re in luck, because I found a graphic with the rules on it. But you really should look at the article, it’s helpful as fuck to see how the rules are applied to business.
As you can clearly see, Bernie has been breaking a few Crack rules. Namely, rules number 1, 3, and 4. Okay, now that we are all on the same page, you’re probably wondering what the fuck crack has to do with Bernie? Nothing. Bernie doesn’t sell crack. If you were to ask him he’d probably tell you that African Americans sell the most drugs, so, don’t look at him. Bernie sells something even more fucked up and euphoria inducing; Bernie Sanders sells HYPE. Just switch out the word “crack” for the word “hype” and everything make so much sense.
Lucky for Bernie, hype sells in politics. Unfortunately for Bernie, he’s getting high off his own shit. And because of this very important fact, Bernie is having to make moves that are causing this entire primary to be unbearable for ME.
Yeah. Big Mistake, Bernie, I complain more than you do.
Sure, not all of the Crack Commandments translate over to politics, yet nobody was even saying he broke ALL of the rules, I mean shit, even the worst crack dealer should be able to follow a few rules. Hopefully.
Rule Numero Uno: Never Let No One Know How Much Dough You Hold
This rule is obviously broken by all the candidates, but we need to look at it from another angle. Bernie has changed the money game, and for minority candidates and those without a national profile, his method of making money has turned out to be a barrier, honey.
DNC’s debate rules lean heavily toward candidates with large, grassroots donor bases. These are rules, in short, that Sanders and his ilk like. And that’s not by accident.
That means white populists are privileged under current DNC rules.
Tom Perez did this thing we Ice Road Drivers in Alaska like to call “Over-correction.” And he ran women of color off the road in doing so. In order to not look like they favor establishment candidates, the DNC rules now openly favor Bernie Sanders, and other White Populists. This means if you are not already a BILLIONAIRE who can afford to not make the debates because you have beau-coup cash for ads? You better be really fucking popular, white, and well known.
Black women raised the least amount of money in 2018. Among female candidates, Black women have raised half as much as Asian American/Pacific Islander candidates or white candidates. This difference exists among male candidates but is not as pronounced.
Between the pressure to be populist, and the new DNC Debate rules on one side, and the DNC debate rules being weighted toward the same populist type candidates, candidates of color, women, and those that are not well known, have been pushed off the debate stage. Yes, Bernie and Tom have rigged the primary against Black Women, and we are now stuck choosing between the oldest and whitest people left in America for our nominee.
So, not only are all of the cool people, like Kamala Harris, Beto O’Rourke, and Julian Castro gone, but not forgotten, which is BAD ENOUGH. But also, BERNIE is still NOT ever going to be broke enough to consider dropping out, so we we may as well just get used to it.
SIGH. I just want him to start at least thinking about having the million seats I pleaded with him to have several years ago. Sit your ass down, Bernie.
Rule Number Three: Don’t Trust NO-Body (especially the polls)
From Truth Dig:
CNN, which brands itself as “the most trusted name in news,” used a CNN/Des Moines Register survey from mid-November showing Sanders in fourth place with 15% of Iowans backing his bid. Real Clear Politics shows the senator with support of 22% and 21%, second to South Bend, Indiana Mayor Pete Buttigieg, in more recent polling.
OH MY GO NOOOOOOO!!!! NOT AN OLD POLL!!!!!! Oh, I am damn near ready to grab my Hagen Daz, and climb into bed so I can play Leanne Rimes “How do I live?” on repeat until Toni Braxton “Unbreak(s) My Heart” and I can “Breathe Again.” How dare CNN put up a FOUR? WEEK OLD POLL by accident? TWICE?
Who managed to convince Bernie of this Blackout bullshit? Or did he convince himself? I’m sure hearing your own bullshitting repeated back at you ad nauseam by hype-men like Sirota can be a bit like gas-lighting yourself. But damn.
This is clearly evidence of the silencing of Bernard NMN Sanders! Or… Bernie Sanders and his camp have such a dogmatic faith in polls, that they tend to make them appear delusional. For five years, give or take a year, the Bernie bots and supporters in my mentions have been emphatically waving around a poll that said he would do better than Hillary against Trump in 2016. So… I have no idea why they managed to get hysterical over a month old poll, it’s totally on brand for them to get stuck on old ass polls, so I’m pretty sure this is just another hype campaign. “Look at how mean they are to Bernie!!!” STFU.
(NMN means “no middle name” at the Census, just an FYI.)
Special Report on the Bernie Blackout from Sirota.
We’ve nearly finished the Crack commandments, so lets just take some time to look at all of the evidence David Sirota found proving the hype that Bernie is a victim. Let me just tell you, it’s stunning!! I guess.
(No, it is fucking not.)
Did you read it? Yeah. I actually have no idea how this amounts to a blackout, rather than illustrating a few small mistakes in a 24 hour news cycle world? He was left off of ONE headline, 5 sources didn’t write their headlines how Ryan Grimm would have written them, he was not mentioned in 1 news-blast, and he was left off of 1 Chyron. This is some heavy duty shit.
By that I mean BULLSHIT.
Rule Number Four: Never Get High on Your Own Supply
Bernie Fully Believes His Own Hype Now
Megabucks-Bernie is still loud, still old as hell, still impossibly annoying, and is still the all time most yelly-est hype-man in any given room. Also? Bernie is still stuck in eternal victim of the establishment mode. Yes, yes INDEED. He even hypes that up. Why? It gets him attention.
This particular victim-hood kick is an obnoxious delusion he has where he falsely believes that the media is supposed to hype his message to the masses the way HE WANTS IT DONE, and if they don’t? Well, doesn’t that mean The Establishment (Hillary) rigged it? Of COURSE it does.
Bernie has been pulling the same exact shit he pulled successfully in 2016. You know, the thing where he cries about discrimination because he was and STILL is, the “Outsider” and the “Underdog” who has all of these “Corporate Interests” (Neera Tanden’s Smirk, LLC, and Nate Silver’s Nerd Snark, INC.?) trying to murder his campaign? I don’t remember what he called it in 2016 because I don’t care. But I do know that in 2020 he calls it a “Bernie blackout” and it is THEE REASON he is not completely dominating in the polls.
See, he has MOMENTUM, it is just being hidden from you, me, and “all and sundry” because MSNBC refuses to live-stream his rallies, or someshit in order to show America how super mega ultra extra popular he is. Oh, and I guess also, LA Times did not display coverage of his rally (20k people showed up) prominently on the Front Page, as is Good and Right.
Bold decision, LA Times, this is why I subscribe to your sinister services. You’re baaaaaddd. I like it.
I’m not in the “Bern Bubble” and Sirota has me blocked, so I always miss the months of struggle-angst that lead up to this anticlimactic bullshit. Nevertheless, I can clearly see wtf is going on. Bernie and his pack of dorks spent months selling the media on the hype that there was a blackout going on. So our spineless media have given him the PAST FOUR FCUKING WEEKS of non-stop coverage, replete with mind numbing think pieces containing headlines that give instant migraines.
Here are a few headlines that are far worse than I am comfortable with:
Oh Jesus Fucking Christ. 🙄 I’m from California, it’s CLEARLY the BEST state. Like ALLLLL of the recent articles, it gives him all types of free lap dances.
If the Democrats walk away from Sanders, from the opportunity to seize the moment with an anti-oligarchical, authentic populism, the mistakes of the Obama years will be repeated.
😐Please shut the fuck up.🙄
Bernie Sanders’s campaign staff has long complained about a phenomenon they call “the Bernie Blackout”—the tendency of the mainstream media to downplay Sanders for the benefit of other candidates.
Bernie’s people cried and hyped up a blackout that didn’t exist to explain why voters aren’t flocking to him in droves like he expected. He then got the media to end the nonexistent blackout by giving him endless screen-time. he does not deserve.
Bernie has run before and he isn’t saying anything new or even saying it differently than before. Perhaps his lack of screen-time is less related to a deliberate black-out than the fact that nobody really wants to see him on their TV all the fucking time? You know? Yelling at them? Honestly, won’t he go down in polls if we see him too much?
On to momentum!! Bernie is at the SAME PLACE IN THE POLLS HE WAS AT THIS TIME LAST YEAR. Okay?
National Memo‘s Froma Harrop tells it better than I do:
Thus, we had a headline in The New York Times reading, “Why Bernie Sanders Is Tough to Beat,” and one in Politico that said, “Democratic Insiders: Bernie Could Win the Nomination.” The polls, however, have barely budged.
In a humorous tweet saying, “ThE PriMaRy HaS BeEn A CrAzY UnPrEDiCtAbLe RoLLer CoAsTer RiDe,” statistical analyst Nate Silver compared recent RealClearPolitics averages for Joe Biden and Sanders to those of a year ago.
On Dec. 19, 2018, Biden was at 27.5 percent and Sanders at 19 percent.
Exactly a year later, Biden was at 27.8 percent and Sanders at 19.3 percent.
Yes, you read that right.
The Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon of the election are stuck in exactly the same place they were at the same time last year. Oh, except they each gained about 0.3 points.
She makes another important point about Sanders we can segue into right quick….
Sanders loyalists seem to be ignoring that their candidate suffered a heart attack only three months ago. That Bernie is back campaigning is a tribute to his resolve. And we’re pleased to see letters from cardiologists reporting that he is recovering well. But it does not cancel out the seriousness of what happened.
Okay? Look, I didn’t want to be that asshole who said it first, but I would have if she hadn’t already done it.
I’m getting tired of people telling me what criteria I am “allowed” to use when weighing the candidates. People have gotten extremely pushy since Bernie had his heart attack and left Liz stuck with paying for M4A by herself.
Now he’s back, but known to be ill, so nobody pressures him at all. Ever. I was told I was committing “Elder Abuse” by saying Bernie needed to answer the same questions EVERYONE ELSE did, and be held to the same standard. That would be fair. But that is not how things are done; women candidates are brutalized for perceived errors, for laughing, for proposing payment plans for their M4A policy, and of course, for not being psychic. Of course, the criticism never ends for women candidates, and they end up falling in the polls.
This is why Bernie seems to be rising. Everyone else has had their numbers driven down; Kamala was torched first, and now Liz has been attacked and attacked, and by golly, many of the attacks come from people supporting Bernie. But no-one is allowed to return the favor because Bernie is perfect; that is called SMEARING, even if it’s a quote, a video, or his Congressional record.
Bernie Sanders is able to occupy dual roles; he is the mighty victor who cannot be ignored, and he is the perpetual victim who must never be treated to a harsh word, lest you destroy him. Bernie is doing wonderful and his illness and potential death must not be factored into your voting decision. Yet……Bernie just had a heart attack and must not be questioned or disturbed lest he die. No wonder the media had no idea wtf to say about Bernie, and chose to say nothing for a while.
About one in five people who suffer a heart attack are readmitted to a hospital for a second one within five years, according to the American Heart Association. And a heart attack elevates the risk of a stroke.Sanders is 78.
Every time I say this, I’m accused of wanting Bernie dead, which really bothers me, and kinda makes me sad. And maybe a bit anxious. You know? Because they reported me to the FBI last Summer as a murderer intent upon killing the old Chupacabra? Yeah.
Finally, before I go, I’d like to point out something that may be blocking Bernie’s “momentum,” stopping him from receiving support, and is constantly overlooked.
Bernie is the reason why Bernie doesn’t have momentum. No matter what he says or does, many voters who supported Hillary last time cannot stand him for the ungracious way in which he lost in 2016. Bernie is just an asshole.
THANK YOU. If Bernie had accepted his defeat like a Dem, he might have more support from loyal demographics, like Black Voters, and there would be less division over all. But when you spend months fundraising in order to “take it to the Convention!” all the while trying to flip super-delegates in order to overturn the will of the voters, and periodically yell about it a “Rigged Primary!”, then refuse to stop feeding anger and hate to your primary voters who WE needed?
People tend to not want to vote for you.
Hmm, well, that and it makes it kinda hard to forget how instrumental you were in the unfortunate outcome of Donald Trump becoming President.
You know, this is where your momentum is, Bernie. It’s lost back in 2016. It got tired of waiting for you to correct your smears about Hillary being corrupt. Your momentum got lost while waiting for you to tell your supporters about Russian Interference. It waited for you to bring unity, to explain that the primary wasn’t rigged against you, and say you gave it your best shot. Your momentum could possibly just want to hear that you regret the loss, and you fought hard, yet despite your best efforts, you simply happened to lose to Hillary, because she was who the majority of Dems chose.
You don’t have any momentum, Bernie Sanders.
And it’s your own damn fault.