Candace Owens Had a Black Baby Boy, and I am Completely Uninterested
I’m generally excited when someone has a baby, this is a fact people who know me well will tell you, because of my obsession with trying to make babies say my name. I start when the baby is very small, sometimes in the womb, telling them my name over and over, like a mantra, until the baby is old enough to say their first words. “Bianca, beeeyonkah, bianca bianca bianca!” I repeat this to babies every time I see them, and eventually it pays off, for the most part. See, repeating a word to a baby is how you teach them, duh, someone told me it takes 50 to 75 times hearing a word before they learn it. Since I’m lazy, I took them at their word, and have been repeating my name to babies like 500 times when I see babies ever since. Of course I overdo it. You can’t ever be too careful when trying to drive a parent batshit by hearing your name from their kid over and over.
Guess whose baby I won’t be interacting with or trying to teach my name? That’s right. I will not be calling Candace Owens up and telling her to put the baby on the phone so I can tell him something. For one, we are not friends. Secondly, even if we were and I had her number, I would legit never call her and would hope she’d do me the solid of never contacting me either. I don’t like Owens, and as much as I like babies, no baby is cute enough for me to abide his mother’s Black White Supremacy.
What is Black White Supremacy? Well, I’ll tell you. Black White Supremacy is a form of apologetics that seeks to undermine anti-racism by using Blackness as a weapon against Black people, and uses Black People like Candace as mascots to prop up white supremacy, and uphold the white supremacist framing of our culture and history. Women like Candace find themselves at cross purposes with Black Liberation, and they continuously side against movements meant to empower or liberate Black Americans from the oppressive forces of White Supremacy.
Each time a young, unarmed black man is killed by the police, Candace always seeks ways to find the many reasons, and unending ways the young man’s death could be, or is, all his own fault. For at least half a decade she has been a mainstay minstrel show in GOP politics, playing the role of “Black Friend” who is permissive of racism and willing to jig and jive for whitey, or launch into a jeremiad about whichever Black person conservatives are metaphorically beating at the whipping post that day. Now she has a son, one who is presumably Black, and may end up on that whipping post himself. Que Lastima!
What happens if her son becomes a victim of police brutality, or is the victim of a racial incident with law enforcement? Will she blame the parents? The black community? Will she place the Blame label on American society as a whole? Would she sneer with vituperation and venom at the very idea that a police officer could ever have done wrong? Would she mock any BLM protesters who were fighting for Justice for him? I think not.
She would, like most women, be a grief stricken mess. I’d hope she would use a bit of the quiet time she has to reflect on how her words may have hurt some Black woman who was once in the same euphoric place she is in now, holding her baby and excited to share him with the world. I would never wish harm to any child just because his mother happens to be an asshole. But, her having a son won’t shield her from pushback when she mocks the pain of another mother who lost her son.
Luckily, Candace Owens’ son will never ever ever experience any racism whatsoever. If he ever thinks he’s experiencing any, I’m sure she will sit him down and read him some crime stats to prove to him that it’s perfectly acceptable for the police to pull him over every night in his own neighborhood. If the police ever assaulted him, maybe she will put on her Blue Lives Matter Tshirt, and hold a rally on her front lawn in support of the cops he interacted with. If he is ever arrested for Driving While Black, I’ll wager she will blame herself for being an uneducated, underachieving single black mother, or if she’s still married, she may blame him for smoking weed one time.
Regardless of what may happen in the future, the fact remains that Candace Owens had a baby and I am completely, and totally not interested at all.
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