Chain Wielding Joe Biden Terrorized Some Kid Named Corn-Pop For Jumping on Diving Board
So, I was sitting in my room, logged into twitter on several accounts when that thing happened with Biden. I’ve said before that Biden has a habit of telling the most unbelievable stories in the Universe. There is an argument to be made that Brian Williams should be allowed to challenge Biden to a round of ground and pound in the Octagon. Or maybe 3 rounds.
“Corn-Pop and B-Dog!” was the message I got from Willie, and I said to myself, “Did his cat start a gang or something?” His cat is a model, but not a punk, so, anything is possible. Alas, I was not to be treated to any photos of cats in bandanas with a caption saying, “Mi vida gato 4 life!” That would have been funny. It was about some guy named Corn-Pop that Joe Biden terrorized at a Wilmington pool back in 1773. Give or take a few years.
I am here to tell you that the story Joe Biden told about “Corn-Pop” is NOT A FUNNY LIGHTHEARTED TALE.
Let’s watch now:
Hahahaha! No. This shit isn’t a joke. Bernie Sanders was possibly a young black kid at that pool that day, let’s just say he was for the sake of the narrative. Poor Bernie was just trying to cool off and relax in the only place with both water and boobies. He was 13, for this story. Bernie’s chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool, when suddenly White Joe brought a chain out to the pool. He saw a couple of white guys, knew they were up to no good, he thought “Why are they even here in the Black Neighborhood?” He saw one little fight, and his mom looked gaunt. She said “You’re moving with the white people up in Vermont!”
This really happened. Allegedly.
On to little Corn-Pop. Unable to join the Cub Scouts like he had always dreamed, or even the Boy Scouts, due to Jim Crow preventing him from joining, Corn-Pop had started his own LEADERSHIP group. As I told you before, Willie’s cat is a MODEL, he knows people, and this is the verbatim retelling of the story Willie’s cat got from a cat whose 22nd great-grandpa was AT THE POOL that day. Small world.
Now, Corn-Pop was doing this leadership mentoring all on his own, he had no training, but the neighborhood boys needed mentorship, so he did what he could. As he arrived that fateful day, he was in a particularly good mood. He had gotten behind on some classes and had to do summer school in order to graduate. Just that morning he had received his diploma in the mail! He was so proud that he forgot to put on his swim cap, and he gave a few extra jumps on the board. Like most teenage boys, he had a bit of extra energy. This became his downfall.
The crazy white man in the Lifeguard Booth became irate and yelled the most horrible transphobic things. Corn-Pop knew that in order to be a good leader, he should de-escalate this situation. He called out an invite to the white man, asking him to come to his car and smoke some cigs and chat. For some reason, it made the white man EVEN angrier. He kicked Corn-Pop out!
Being a good leader was important to Corn-Pop, so he stayed to try to work the situation out with that crazy ass white dude. He couldn’t believe his eyes when Jumpin’ Joe arrived with a chain wrapped around his arm and threats on his lips. Well, Corn-Pop was apprehensive, to say the least. He looked over and saw little Bernie crying, that hurt his heart, he was mad now.
“Bernie, run!! Save yourself from the crazy white man!! Tell your mom!!” is all Corn-Pop could manage to get out before Wildman Joe began to approach. Corn-Pop did the only thing an untrained mentor could do. He pulled out his grandpa’s razor and said, “Look, sir. I’d appreciate it if you stayed out of my personal space. Please and thank you.”
The White guy looked embarrassed, he apologized to Corn-Pop, which was accepted graciously. Now his cat is telling him that Joe is making up lies about what happened that day. Corn-Pop just wants to clear his name.