Mitch McConnell’s Hands Look Like They’ve Been Run Over By The Trump Train
What the hell is wrong with Mitch McConnell’s hands?
If you’ve seen the Senate Majority Leader’s hands lately, you’ve probably wondered if he uses them to punch his way through walls, and break up boulders, rather than using a door. Not only that, you’ve probably also wondered why his already unfortunate face appears to be swollen, misshapen, or otherwise injured. For the past few days, people have been speculating about the apparent bruises McConnell has been sporting on his contagious looking, Sith-Lord like hands. Let McConnell tell it, and you’d think everyone is crazy for even noticing his mangled paws; he says there is nothing up with him at all, and on that note he is refusing to explain what heath condition he could possibly be suffering from. As a matter of fact, he told CNN there were “No Problems,” and replied “Of course not.” to questions about whether he was suffering from some type of medical condition. Even his staffers refuse to gossip about his obvious health condition, I mean, even his face is swollen, but cool, let’s just pretend he doesn’t look like Tony Soprano just tap danced on his manos.
The Kentucky lawmaker “did not respond when asked if he was being treated by a doctor. An aide to McConnell also declined to provide any additional details when asked multiple times about the majority leader’s health.”
See? There’s nothing wrong, people, just go away and stop asking all these questions, okay? Mitch and the other super honest members of the GOP are done with all your snooping and speculating.
This photo of Mitch McConnell's hands from yesterday pic.twitter.com/9x5x2UhxvJ
— MeidasTouch.com (@MeidasTouch) October 21, 2020
See? His hands are clearly just fine, maybe they just look like that because they’ve been cut from a corpse and sewed onto Mitch’s wrists and are now Zombie Hands because he’s TOO healthy, just like Trump. Sure, Coronavirus has been known to cause pain, swelling, and discoloration to hands and feet that look kinda exactly like Mitch’s monster hands, but let’s just pretend he’s not completely full of shit.
“Have I ever been tested? Yes,” he said after reporters repeatedly asked him about that. “But I’m not going to answer questions about when.”
McConnell, who has been blocking coronavirus legislation for months, is seeking re-election. He is challenged by Democrat Amy McGrath. He is nine points ahead of her according to a recent poll.
On social media, many are speculating about the Majority Leader’s heath since he refuses to share with voters what has caused his appearance.
He is clearly lying. Perhaps he doesn’t want to give us the satisfaction of knowing he’s a Covid “Longhauler” while he continues to block relief for the average American who has been suffering severe financial hardship due to this pandemic. I wouldn’t want to speculate, but that seem to be the most likely story. Him refusing to discuss both what’s wrong with his hands, and when he was tested for Coronavirus, not to mention telling us the results of said test? Well, that make it seem pretty obvious that McConnell clearly has some health issue, and it’s likely related to this Novel Coronavirus we all fear so much. I, for one, do not feel one bit sympathetic towards Mitch McConnell, even if he in fact DOES have Coronavirus. I feel more sympathy towards Coronavirus for having to deal with Mitch.