Bernie Can’t Tell Whoopi Where His “Path To Victory” Went

I feel like I’m stuck in a world of ENDLESS sinister Groundhog Day Style movie remakes. Bernie Sanders will not stop running for President even though he knows there is no way in hell he can win. Just like in 2016. Bernie, that sensitive soul, is super very touchy when anyone presses him on packing it in and letting Biden get down to business, so he has imagined a secret possible “path to victory” that cannot possibly exist. This is NOT the first time. Last time, Bernie fed his tribe of internet warriors honeyed lies about how he was “taking it to the Convention” and somehow convincing the Establishment that he was more electable than Hillary. Like I said, this isn’t the first time. But it better be the last.

Boston Globe:

Four years ago, Sanders’ refusal to accept the reality that he was not going to be the Democratic nominee for president dragged the 2016 primary race with Hillary Clinton all the way to the party convention in July — undoubtedly damaging her candidacy.

Bernie’s second run is a bit like if they built another Titanic, made all of the same shit moves with lifeboats, headed off on the same exact date the next year, clearly saw the icebergs, and rode right into them on purpose. And then were super surprised that their ship began sinking. At this time the ship has floundered, the lifeboats have all been taken, and the SS No Malarkey has shown up to take everyone aboard. Yet, the crew angrily refuses to jump ship, the remaining passengers are cursing Captain Joe of the No Malarkey, and Captain Bernie of Titanic 2.0 is yelling out, “I still have a path to port!” while daring anyone to disagree. The band plays on, Captain Bernie records his Vlogs faithfully, the No Malarkey crew looks on in horror, and the ship slowly inches it’s way down into the Sea. 

Four years later it’s like watching the same bad movie again. In 2020, Sanders has even less chance of overtaking Joe Biden. He’s performed worse than he did in 2016. Since the South Carolina primary, Biden has trounced him nearly everywhere they have faced off, and usually by double digits. Every theory Sanders had about the race — that he could mobilize white working-class voters to support him and that he would bring new voters to the polls — has been proven wrong.

Bernie Sanders is STILL hanging around, trying to find a way to look important in his blood-red room of death while he lures unsuspecting journalists, and others with TV shows, into his lair (remotely) so that he can try to work his stump speech into an interview or two. Not one new word or idea has passed his lips since the last set of primary contests, ones that he lost in an embarrassing defeat, and he seems bored without rallies to give him all that delicious attention. Bernie is desperate for some airtime. March was pretty much a blowout for Joe Biden, though Bernie was slated to win states like Michigan when the month began. By the time South Carolina had finished counting enough votes to give Joe Biden an epic win, with what appears to have been higher turnout than ’08, Bernie’s fate was already sealed. Bernie would not be the Dem nominee in 2020, just as he was not in 2016, the only question remaining was this: How long would it take Bernie to discover he had lost?

Whoopi Goldberg stepped up and took one for the team when Sanders showed up on The View this week, and boy was it HARD to get a straight answer out of Bernie on when exactly he was going to do the math and see he had no chance.

Let me make a few points:

  1. Nobody said anything about how hard he worked for Hillary. She said he TOOK TOO LONG in DROPPING OUT. Bernie loves nothing better than he loves a straw-man, especially one he has carefully crafted with his own energy, and pulled right out of his own asshole.
  2. “I don’t accept that characterization.” You know what? Your acceptance isn’t necessary, Bernie. It’s fucking true regardless.
  3. How fucking much longer are you going to take making your assessment? Cause, you need to go.
  4. You being in the primary has nothing to do with our right to vote, you are not that fucking important.
  5. She didn’t ask what you were doing in the Senate, she asked what your path to victory is.
  6. “Well, for the fourth time, we are assessing–” OH SHUT UP!
  7. I am so tired of Bernie’s stump speeches and lectures, so so so so tired.

Apparently Krystal Ball is my complete opposite; while I think Bernie was being a rude, evasive, party squatting dick, she seems to think Whoopi was as wrong as shoes on a snake, and Bernie is a Prince among men.

Outrageous? Unconscionable? Do you even know what the words mean, Twerp? Also, rude? Krystal, you must not watch your own show, but lol, I find it cute how y’all are over here explaining how Whoopi should have run her interview. I get the sense that Krystal is super rich, cause she is ready to talk to your manager, Whoopi!!!! You better hurry up and ignore her ridiculous ass. Brodude looked ready to CRY about how rude that Black Lady is, although I’m not sure he can say things like ‘Black Lady”; he is still pretending race is not important or acknowledgeable. I tend to believe Ball and her co host, along with the Twitter Berners, fully believe Biden will gaffe out of the race and we will turn to Bernie in desperation. They’ll make us BEND THE KNEE!! It’s all they’ve ever wanted.

Sanders wants Biden to persuade him to drop out by making “make significant policy and personal overtures,” a person close to Sanders told the Washington Post. Putting aside the question of why Biden should make any concessions to his vanquished rival, maybe it’s worth asking if the guy who has come up short in two straight primary elections should be the one making demands. Frankly, what policy issue could possibly be more important than uniting the Democratic Party behind the urgent task of defeating President Trump?

Um, excuse me?

“make significant policy and personal overtures,”

What the fuck does this mean, exactly? Fuck that, why the entire fuck do you want PERSONAL OVERTURES, and wtf does that even entail?

WaPo:

One of the people close to Sanders — who, like the others, spoke on the condition of anonymity to reflect internal deliberations — said Biden would have to make significant policy and personal overtures to Sanders to potentially persuade the senator to leave the race, and to win the trust of his followers.

Are you serious with this shit? Again? What makes your old Marxist, can’t get the Black Vote, lost every County in Michigan, two time primary losing self think that the winner of the primary should have to beg you to quit and then run on YOUR agenda? When has this EVER happened?

The longer that Sanders continues his ego-driven campaign the more ill will he will spread. Continuing this feckless endeavor will only further marginalize Sanders — and the issues he is advocating for — in the eyes of Democrats.

Many Democrats are agonizing over Bernie refusing to exit the race, he doesn’t seem to see the point in dropping out just because he cannot see a path to victory. For weeks Bernie has been reassessing his campaign; that is, between the vlogging, the cyber concerts, and roundtables, yet it looks like he still hasn’t assessed a goddamn thing. What is Bernie waiting for? A miracle? For one of the smears his bros are trying to make trend about Biden to get some traction?

This has become a tired and predictable game with Sanders: he claims to take the high road while his unbowed cheerleaders remain in attack mode. On social media the Vermont senator’s surrogates and more militant supporters continue to lacerate Biden for his verbal miscues and darkly suggest he is in cognitive decline. It was the same four years ago. 

Does he think we’ll all suddenly realize that we can’t live without him? Ha!

Joe Biden, for his part, is NOT waiting for Bernie to reassess his campaign to begin his vetting of VP candidates, so, apparently there is still one person on earth who is not waiting to see what Bernie plans on doing before making a move. Joe Biden has a limited time to get all of his ducks in a row, so if Bernie thought he would be holding Joe back and keeping him paralyzed from taking any unilateral action, he’s shit out of luck. Biden kindly called him beforehand and let him know he’s moving on, and nobody is more thrilled than I am for that prospect. Bernie’s time is growing short, unlike last time where people made a million excuses for Bernie staying in, this time he is a known factor, and we know letting him ride things out until the convention just leads to a loss for us at the polls in November. Bernie, let us know when you’re finished, maybe we’ll even give a shit if you do it very very soon. Probably not, tho. We tired.

 

Boston Globe

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These 6 Clips Show How Obama, Never Bernie, and the Establishment (Black People) Made Bernie Lose to Joe

It was just one week out of one of the longest months ever known to man. March of 2020 will go down in history for being the first instance when the world came together, separately, and in their own spaces, of course, for self quarantine or for self preservation, all in order to prevent the spread of a global pandemic from the infected, to the uninfected. Not many people will remember this March as my Birthday month, or as the month that contained one particular week that decided the outcome of this primary election, and possibly, the future of the Democratic party. Almost nobody will remember it thus, yet if you are a Democratic Party insider, a dedicated Grass roots supporter of one of the Dem candidates (still running or not), or a stalwart member of the Revolution, it will be seared into your brain for years to come.

This primary season has been completely different than any primary season there ever was or will be. Not only did we have a, at times, self described Socialist on the debate stage, we also had a Gay Man, two Black Men, a Few Jews,  a Beto Man, a Latino Man, several Seth Moultons, a Black Woman who was also an Indian Woman, a Surfing Samoan Hindu Hippie Soldier, a Billionaire Beating Power-fisting Progressive Professor, an Industrious Inland Lady Legislator, Tom Steyer, The Queen Of the Moon People– Marianne Williamson, and the Math Motivated Automation and UBI Expert in the making, among MANY OTHERS. Way too many.

One by one, these candidates dropped out, were pushed out, went broke and jumped out, and we were down to just a handful of candidates. Iowa, New Hampshire, and Nevada were Gold for one of the candidates, and quite frankly, many of us were losing our shit as the media dramatized the race and elevated Bernie Sanders as the likely nominee.

Check out this hotter than hot take from February when Bernie Sanders was considered by many (NOT ME) to be the Front-Runner and likely nominee:

Krystal Ball is the literal worst; I waver between liking her and not liking her, depending on who she decides to be in any given year. And who is the clueless, completely wrong, yet cute man-boy next to her? Whoever he is, he is doing the most in his attempt to talk around race so he can focus on class, which just makes it glaringly obvious that race is far more important than these Progressives make it out to be. Not only did I find their analyses completely ridiculous at the time, looking at this clip in retrospect, I literally just wasted a whole entire hour laughing and trying to explain to Mike what the hell is so funny. He doesn’t care.

Ball, in her glorious wisdom, believed that all the portents and signs were there to prove that the Establishment was finally ready to bend the knee. “Bend the Kneeeee!!!” was the theme for her whole segment; according to Ball, EVERYBODY was going to bend the knee. Hillary was going to bend, the Establishment, Reverend Al, MSNBC, and to top it off, Jason Johnson was off the air. Knee Bent!! She was as happy as a Berner on Twitter reporting Dem accounts into suspension. Everything was going according to plan; the Moderate vote was split, Bernie was ahead, Obama was staying out, Bernie was going to coast to the nom, and Dems would push him across the finish line.

They had no choice.

NYT:

Jane King, a financial investor from Boston who describes herself as progressive, began the presidential primary as an avowed supporter of Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts. But as Ms. Warren’s candidacy seemed to fade early this year, Ms. King looked elsewhere.

Okay, it’s all good in the hood, baby! That’s a Warren voter, so, surely she’d move to Sanders since he and Liz have similarly left platforms. Bernie was on his way to victory!

She considered Michael R. Bloomberg, Ms. Warren’s electoral nemesis. She thought about Pete Buttigieg, another moderate. Ultimately, in the Massachusetts primary that was a must-win for Ms. Warren, Ms. King voted for former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr.

Um? Whoa, that was quite a surprise! Was Bernie’s name left off of her ballot? I mean, if she couldn’t vote for her beloved ‘Lizbeth, why couldn’t she vote for Liz’s ideological Brother from another mother?

She was simply trying to be strategic, Ms. King admits: She was willing to do whatever was necessary to stop Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont from becoming the Democratic nominee.

HOLY POOP! (I’m trying not to cuss so much. I can legit use foods in place of fake cussing, if you prefer.) I mean, if you watched the clip, you’d see that this is NOT what Krystal “The Genius” Ball told us to expect. This is the ending I was predicting and planning for. Huh. Maybe Krystal should read my feed and see what people who supported everyone besides Bernie had to say about Bernie. Although we are not the “Establishment”, we’ve all stayed at a Holiday Inn Express tho, so we oppose Bernie. Sanders’ movement is an online phenomenon that made it’s way to the streets; kinda, well, to your local arena in White neighborhoods, mostly. So, we online people have been watching The Revolution with feelings ranging between mild annoyance to bitter hate and furious rage. Me personally? I just don’t like them. Meh.

“I didn’t want Bernie to beat Elizabeth in her own backyard. But then, it became much more complicated than that,” said Ms. King, 70. “Are we going to have a nominee who could take on the Republican Party? We have to stop Bernie.”

Krystal Ball was ready to battle it out with the establishment, and fully believed Bernie had this thang all sewn up. It was In The Proverbial Bag.

There was no way for Bernie to fuck this up; the moderate vote was split, Bernie had his plurality, it was time to crow about it on teevee.

March was nowhere near as kind to Bernie as February; I’ll take full credit, sure. March saw Bernie’s hopes go from glowing anticipation, to being crushed into dust. The polls had been rather favorable to him; he had pulled even with the black vote, according to some polls, so what happened?

Rarely has political momentum flipped as quickly as it did in the first half of March, as Mr. Sanders lost serious ground to Mr. Biden before the coronavirus slowed their race. There are well-known reasons for the shift: Moderate candidates like Mr. Buttigieg and Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota rallied around Mr. Biden. He enjoyed demographic advantages, particularly with black voters. And turnout among young voters and liberal nonvoters did not surge, failing to reshape the electorate as Mr. Sanders had hoped.

Everyone, damn near, dropped out and endorsed Biden. Okay, Pete and Amy did, but it had a big impact along with Clyburn’s endorsement. Biden’s win in South Carolina was the turning point, and in Progressive circles, it was the subject of hilarious (to me) Conspiracy Theories about Mean Obama ruining everything for Bernie.

This was legit hilarious. They never expected that the Democratic Party would come together in various ways to stop a man who has been threatening a hostile takeover of our party for the past five years. Do you hear Emma? She is ready to cry her ass off. Oh my. Can you imagine the fun she is at parties? No? Me fucking either. It’s super clear that the Bernie Journos did not see this coming AT ALL, and they had no plan for how to deal with, or reach out to Dems who were rushing to Biden. Bernie, for his part, is a cantankerous old jerk who didn’t feel the need to reach out to ANY of the Hillary Coalition, because he expected a crowded field all the way to the convention.

For some, like Amy Siegel of Natick, Mass., the anti-Sanders feeling relates back to the 2016 Democratic primary, when she supported Hillary Clinton and believed Mr. Sanders ran a divisive campaign that wounded her ahead of the general election. This time around, Ms. Siegel, 57, initially supported Mr. Buttigieg. But she voted for Mr. Biden in her state’s primary, held on Super Tuesday, days after Mr. Buttigieg dropped out and endorsed the former vice president. Ms. Siegel said she decided to flip her vote even before Mr. Buttigieg exited the race.

Bernie didn’t predict Pete falling on his sword for America and Amy picking up the sword and falling on it too. She and Pete weren’t the best of friends. But, they are both Patriots, so, they did their duties. And all hell broke loose in Bernielandia.

Yeah, I brought Emma back. Her nerdy sweater makes me happy. Also, I love the way she freaks out while trying to maintain her composure. Look how pissed they are at Liz Warren? OMG. I bet Emma cried and cried. Biden spent nothing in some of the states he won, while Bernie spent tens of millions. Also, can I point out a few facts? Emma focuses on a bunch of irrelevant bullshit and has a belief that somehow a nation that chooses someone she calls “far Right” would somehow choose a Socialist the next time. And her evidence is that a “Centrist” lost. Huh?

“What the establishment wanted was to make sure that people coalesced around Biden and try to defeat me,” Mr. Sanders said, days after Super Tuesday, on ABC’s “This Week.” “So that’s not surprising.” But some of Mr. Sanders’s vulnerabilities were self-inflicted, and voter interviews and exit polls from states that held their primaries in March suggest that problems existed on the ground level.

Bernie didn’t really even try to earn anyone’s vote, he had his 30% and that would carry him to victory, why change?

Because you lost with the same group last time and it’s even smaller now?

Cenk. Cenk really was on a good one on Super Tuesday, and it was fucking hilarious. His meltdown was EPIC, and he looked like HE was going to cry too.

Look, y’all.

This muthafucka said “We’re going to have Trench Warfare.” This is why I pretty much ignore all the conspiracy theories coming out of the Bernie section of Twitter; they’ve pretty much signaled they think Joe is WORSE than Hillary, and they abused Hillary until…they’re still doing it.

Ahead of Mr. Sanders’s presidential run in 2020, his campaign did not concern itself with smoothing tensions among voters who supported Mrs. Clinton in 2016. He did not seek the endorsements of many party leaders, who were always unlikely to back him, but could have been swayed from being openly antagonistic to ambivalent…”

Such arrogance.

Ball starts out this segment mocking the EXACT Warren supporters Berners spent about a month bullying halfway to death. Then she decides to, along with her co-host, pick Liz apart bit by bit, and try to strip her of her character, casts aspersions on her motivations, and shreds her integrity as if Liz were nothing more than a cardboard cut-out, not a real person. Hey, I have said many things about Liz Warren, but, GODDAMN. Krystal really didn’t do Bernie any favors whatsoever. These kinds of take-downs and cancellations work fine to get retweets and likes from people who already agree with you, but they don’t make skeptical Warren Democrats feel anything kind towards Bernie and his movement.

Ms. Stone, 63, an educator in Houston, said she “supported Warren because she was progressive but practical, and that’s not what Sanders is.”

Plus, Mr. Biden is, like her, a Democrat through and through. And Ms. Stone said that while she remained disappointed Ms. Warren did not perform better in Texas, the fact that the state went to Mr. Biden was some consolation.

“I wasn’t terribly upset,” she said. “It’s better than Sanders winning.”

Anybody was better than Sanders to many of us. We were willing to bite the bullet for Pete, Amy, Biden, even for Bloomberg and Liz, just not Bernie.

The moral of this story is, don’t be a shady bunch of asshole progs who sneer at the public and attack our favorite politicians, and we won’t coalesce around the one candidate that your group of vindictive, bitter, uppity malcontents finds the most abhorrent. Oh, and stop sending Bernie Sanders out to run in our primary if you’re going to continue expecting us to help you make him our nominee. We don’t LIKE him. And he doesn’t like us right back. And neither do you. And stop trying to extort shit out of us and hold us for ransom, that’s not how we do things. We may have our favorite candidates, but we, in the Democratic Party, usually find a way to vote for the nominee without demanding ransom or expecting them to run on someone else’s policies. It’s down to Biden or Trump; if you don’t vote for Biden, you need to go fuck yourself.

We’re not repeating 2016.

 

NYT

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Top Ten Things Bernie Can Do During The Corona Pandemic, Other Than Running For President, Because He Lost

Where is Biden to tell Bernie to put his hand down when you need him?

Bernie Sanders is not the winner of our Presidential Primary, this much should be obvious to all and sundry. Every normal human person can CLEARLY FUCKING SEE (by normal I mean people who can count by any means whatsoever or understand that 2 Popsicles are more than one Popsicle) that Bernie has just about zero chance of winning. Nevertheless, Bernie NMN Sanders is STILL running for GODDAMNED President. Why? Why must he subject us to this endless and ongoing Berndetta against the Democratic Establishment? That’s a question that has only bad answers, so instead I have decided to be “Proactive.” I won’t sit here whining about his refusal to move the fuck on with his life. I’m not like his own followers, who are currently whining about how unfair it is that the establishment (Black People) rejected Bernie so forcefully that Joe Biden is now effectively the Dem nominee. I was raised right.

Yes, whining solves nothing, Bernie, and we in the Democratic Party are problem solvers, not titty babies. So, we have come up with a slew of options for Bernie to sort through in all of this leisure time he has on his hands, now that he cannot obsessively campaign. We cannot force Bernie to accept any of these perfectly reasonable suggestions and carry forth with a renewed determination to successfully manage the task at hand, yet we STRONGLY ENCOURAGE him to hurry the fuck up and just pick one and go.

 

The Top Ten Things Bernie Can Do Instead of Running For President After He Has Lost

 

#1- GO BACK TO WORK IN THE SENATE

Lo and Behold! Yeah, that’s right. Bernie actually already has a job in Government, in a place we like to call the United States “Senate.” This is a very prestigious position that not only affords him many luxuries, like 3 homes, it also provided a bit of cachet for his wife Jane when she was working as a College Administrator/President. It gives him access to a host of opportunities to sashay around the town at the swankiest high dollar fundraisers Martha’s Vineyard has to offer, and I’m pretty sure the Lobster Sliders are on the house for Milady Jane. Bernie is no stranger to the Donors, he’s been on the circuit many times over the years, so he is safe as can be with his old-monied amigos. While many see the Senate as the springboard to the “big enchilada”, aka, The Presidency, our Millionaire Marxist is just a small fish in a great big lake house, so he got gobbled up by the former Vice President, Mr. Joe Biden. Bernie may have failed to launch, but he always has work to do in the Senate where he missed the last two EXTREMELY IMPORTANT votes. Vermonters seem to be cooling on the Senator, he barely got over 50% in his own state for the 2020 Primary, but if he hurries back to work, he may be able to cling to a victory and keep his seat in 2024.

 

#2- Retire to His Dacha, oh, I mean His Lake House

One SUPER popular idea is for Bernie to remove himself from the game entirely by retiring to spend more time with his grand-babies, I like this one most. Grandpas love their grand-kids, and those too cute tots love their Grandpas right back! What better way to satisfy the familial stirrings in a young child’s heart than to give them all the Werther’s Originals and fishing trips with Gramps they can stand? Nobody can do your Granddadding for you, and we have already seen many photos of La Jane Grandmomming it up a storm, so maybe it’s the right time to pack it on in and take those Chillins to the “Summer Camp” you paid all that hard earned cash for? Summer homes don’t live in themselves, and at your age, let’s face it, you want to start getting your use out of the place if you don’t want to leave this mortal coil feeling like you didn’t get your money’s worth. You can call your friends, the ones still alive, and let them know, “Mi Dacha es Su Dacha!” and have some Sassy Senior Shenanigans that Vermont will never forget!!

 

#3- Learn to Knit Chairs and Have Yourself a Goddamn Seat

This one is special! Even the most sedate Senior is feeling a bit anxious in these times of quarantine, you can spend the time you have set aside for recreation learning a new and enjoyable skill. Rather than risk the Corona virus ridden crowds, you can head on over to your favorite online retailer and order up some yarn, books on how to knit, some jazzy patterns, and teach yourself how to knit. You may not be able to quite knit a seat, but you sure can shut the hell up while you’re in learning mode! Maybe you can knit a nice blanket to cover your favorite chair, and then have yourself a goddamn seat, Senator, and do it in silence! YAY!

By the way….

Did you know that there are Boomers, GenXers, Millennials, and whoever the hell it is that comes next, my bad, who are entirely tired of you stepping all up in the mix and now demand that you have yourself a million fucking seats? Well, now you know, maybe you need to check your spam filters and Twitter mentions? Cool.

 

#4- Convert a Home Into a Testing Center/Philanthropy

Heyo! What’s a “Man of the People” worth (besides millions) if he’s not willing to sacrifice a little of his own riches for the “little people”, eh Senator? That’s right, there is an altruistic solution to your whole “I lost the 2020 Primary and I Won’t Stop Running for President” problem: You can give back to the people who helped you make it this far. Consider converting one of your many homes into a Pop-up testing center for people who may be infected with the Corona Virus! After all, what type of true Marxist would even own three homes when so many lack even one home to call their own? Don’t wait for the Proletariat, or even worse, the LUMPEN-PROLETARIAT to relieve you of your property during the Working Class Revolution, give it away to charity now, what do you have to lose? Just a home. But think of all the new friends you’ll make while handing out testing swabs, okay? Totally Worth It.

#5- Learn All About Model Trains!!!

What the fuck are model trains? We don’t have a clue, but we are sure you do. See, millennials like myself, and younger folks, grew up with things like “Electricity” and “Cell phones” also “Video Games” in our Toys R Us catalog, so we aren’t your average purveyors of model trains and sets of marbles. In addition, we never knew how the fuck you were supposed to play with “balls and jacks”, so it’s your turn to teach us some Luddite shit. Sure, we could go learn how to use a phonograph, or whatever the hell he said, from Biden, but he’s still learning how to Vlog this week, and it would be a shame to knock him off track. Your move, Senator.

#6- Yell at Clouds or Kids You Don’t Know

Don’t be outdone by Grandpa Simpson, that won’t do!! YOU’RE the yelly-est Grandpa in New England. Show these fake mad Gramp-cucks how it’s really done. Right now, nothing matters more than maintaining a polite social distance from everyone you don’t live with, and even some you do. What will keep people at a safe distance better than having a geriatric curmudgeon like yourself huff up and belt out an insult laced warning? Nothing. It’s a total mood kill.

Say you see some teens when you’re walking in the woods behind your house-cum-testing site while knitting yourself a blanket for your model train platform, and you happen to witness said teens engaging in some social closeness? Well, this is your time to shine, Senator Sanders! You take the deepest breath you can and you ROAR!! Let them know not to “Stand over there!!” like you told Jane, before launching into a diatribe about how you’ve said “no Corona sex back here FIFTY TIMES!!! This is the fifty first.” and you’ll have those former Burlington College Students out of your patch of land quicker than shit. You can literally keep this up FOREVER.

#7- Become a Full Time Vlogger!!

Not everyone can be an Instant Success at Vlogging, but you can, Senator. Fire up the old Mac and set up shop in your studio, and you can Vlog every single day! You already have millions of dedicated followers who will ensure you get “paid baby paid!” through monetized accounts that we are sure Lady Jane can help you set up. Why give all that access to your incredible talents away for free? It’s not everyone who has a speech from 1976 memorized and ready to go at a moment’s notice, most YouTube stars weren’t even born then, so you are already way ahead of the game. Those guys from Pod Save America won’t even see it coming when you overtake them in the “Dismissing Black Women Candidates Because of Your Obvious Misogynoir” department, and you’ll crush them to dust in the “Tokenizing Black Women For Political Gain” department too. Your White Male success is virtually guaranteed, so give this option all due consideration.

#8- Sew Some Goddamned Masks!

Uh oh!! We are running out of fucking masks! With the time saved from no longer having to look up old photos of Bruce Rappaport marching with MLK to slap your name on, you and your followers can spend some of those $27s on sewing machines and materials to make masks for the medical community. Our Nurses, Doctors, and other front-line medical professionals are all we have standing between us, and certain death for many of us, especially those with compromised immune systems, so we need you to be proactive. Rather than secretly imploring your adoring fans to report me on Social Media (it’s a joke, fuck off), maybe you can openly beg them to spend the next week or so patriotically performing a needed task, and help save lives. I’m dead ass serious, do this no matter which option you choose. Get your Revolution to make masks. Now. Please.

#9- Become a Driving Instructor

Oh ho ho! We saw you. We didn’t know you were such patient and careful driver. Guess what? That’s just what our kids need!! Stock your black leather fanny-pack with Red Vines and Peppermints, and head on down to your local driving school. You’ll arrive with carefully edited footage of you performing all necessary driver’s safety tasks that the next batch of youth will sorely need to see. After all, we remember that you made your share of films in your day, Senator, one about Eugene Debs comes to mind, so we know you know your way around a script and a camera.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4i054Ylips

Have Jane and the Gang help you set up cones in an empty lot near the home or business of a local oligarch, just to ensure you won’t feel a smidge of guilt when you hit something, and get your butt in gear. Show off your three point turn, your parallel parking, and even show them how to back that thang up, baby!

 

An entire generation is ready to hit the road, who better to teach them how to yell at the “asshole who can’t fucking drive” than you? You were MADE for this.

#10- Babysitter for Struggling Families

Kids. They always need someone to watch them, but their parents can’t always afford to pay anybody. Que lastima! But, don’t you worry! Their day can still be saved by “Magic Grandpa and Lady Jane!” You can offer your services taking care of the kinder who test negative for Corona while their parents test positive. I’m not saying this is happening, not yet. But why let such a situation sneak up on you? It’s beneficial when you can get to know your future voters before they’ve had time to become stained by Capitalism. Nothing wrong with using a bit of Marxist Propaganda to start your own literacy program at your Dacha, just like the Castro program you so admired. While you’re communing with the caucus-goers of the future, you can steep them in all the Commie bullshit Fidel shoved down the throats of the kiddies of Cuba. Sure, their parents won’t be happy and indoctrination is fucked up, but you chose this hill to die on already with your continued defense of Castro’s literacy program, and refusal to listen to people who were actually fucking there. No shit, Senator, every shitty regime has SOME good things they’ve done, but you were running for President, and it totally killed your chances in Florida. And basically ended your campaign.

We have done the hard part, Senator Sanders, now it’s time to do your part. Suspend your campaign of continued complaint and set my people free. You had a great run, it lasted longer than so many of the other candidates, but you’re way the fuck behind and polling like shit in the remaining states. It’s time for us to hand you your hat and coat, it’s time for you to move on and let it go, so we can fucking beat Trump.

 

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The Media Chases White Progressives; Black Voters Save The Election

Being a Black Voter is a thankless burden akin to Atlas carrying the world upon his shoulders.

While white voters are free to run around testing out new candidates like a sugared up pack of fifth graders snagging samples at Costco, Black Voters these days are stuck pragmatically analyzing each candidate to see who can actually win the election. White voters can fall in and out of  political love with 3 or 4 candidates in a cycle that has over 20 hopefuls, and whoever they are in love with, for that instant, will be the one the media fawns over. You can bet on it. They’ll choose candidates with no history with the Black Community, candidates too young to be wise, candidates that are perfect on paper, though not in practice, and even candidates with big ideas that are devoid of a plan to pass them or even pay for them.

Black voters are not so privileged. Sure, we fall in love with candidates too; men like Jesse Jackson got our votes twice during the dark years of the ’80s when Dems were out of power. Barack Obama is still well loved by us, and women like Kamala Harris still have a dedicated following, ready to be led by her wherever she goes. Yet, we know our duty. We know when white people lose their ever-loving minds over a sure loser, it’s up to us to save the day, coalesce behind a candidate who can win, and use our collective power to right the ship while white voters get sober from being drunk on their own power.

WaPo:

Kingmaker in chief is House Majority Whip James E. Clyburn (D-S.C.), whose emotional, full-throated endorsement last week lifted Biden to a landslide in a state where black voters make up more than half of the Democratic electorate. After Clyburn weighed in, what had been a confusing picture — Would younger African Americans turn out in droves for Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.)? Was billionaire Tom Steyer’s barrage of television ads across the state winning him votes? — suddenly became crystal clear.

That is what happened this past week on Super Tuesday too. This primary year was just like the rest; heavily White states are front-loaded onto the primary calendar, and the narrative in the media for months is concentrated upon what those few White voters, in a relatively low population state, think about the candidates. Black voters are deliberately ignored or tokenized until the week before the first Southern state votes, this is just facts, yet the polls usually tell the story months before we head out to the Union Halls and Libraries to pull the lever for a candidate. Joe Biden was always going to win the Primary, but like White voters, we sampled various other candidates until it was crunch time.

Guardian:

This reality is what makes Biden’s commanding performance last week even more meaningful. Trump’s disapproval rating among black voters is exceedingly high – just one in 10 has a favorable view of him, and only a dismal 4% support his policies all or some of the time. But dissatisfaction with Trump is not enough to improve the most important metric when it comes to black voters in the general election: turnout. Biden’s Super Tuesday wins suggest he is best-positioned to accomplish it.

Turnout turnout turnout. I cannot stress this enough.

In 2016, the black voter participation rate fell by seven points from 67% in 2012 to 60%, its lowest level in two decades. That reduced the black share of the electorate from nearly 13% in 2012 to less than 12% in 2016. And for an election that was essentially decided by 77,000 votes over three battleground states, higher black turnout might have resulted in a different electoral outcome where Hillary Clinton became the first female president.

One of my main concerns was not to get stuck with a candidate who could not increase Black Voter turnout from the 2016 level of 60% back up to 2008 or 2012 levels of 65% to 67% respectively. Once Kamala was off the board it was my opinion immediately that the only other candidate who connected with Black Voters enough to drive us to the polls was Joe Biden. Some will say that Kamala didn’t have Black Voters on her side, but if you look at the polls taken before the non-stop smear campaign by the Bernie Brothers, Kamala Harris was gaining ground with Black women across the board. Had this been a normal election year without the rehash of 2016 playing out due to Bernie Sanders and his army of smear-mongers deciding to run again, regardless of how divisive 2016 was, I’m confident she would still be in the race. As it stands, she is not. But Joe Biden is, and if they were to team up I believe turnout would surpass what we saw with Barack Obama and Joe Biden; we have already seen record turn out in Virginia.

Biden won 69 percent of the black vote in Virginia, about 60 percent in Texas and North Carolina, and a staggering 72 percent in Alabama. Those margins helped him build a lead in pledged convention delegates that will be hard for Sanders to erase, especially with populous and delegate-rich Southern states such as Florida and Georgia yet to vote.

Why was Biden able to win so decisively in states he spent very little time and very little money in? As Biden said earlier this year of Mayor Bloomberg, when he was asked about Bloomberg’s seeming surge with Black Voters, “I don’t think you can buy an election.” Apparently, Biden was right.

Clyburn’s message last week seemed to clarify things for black South Carolina voters, who were trying to figure out how best to defeat President Trump. The landslide those voters gave to Biden seemed to clarify things for black voters in the Super Tuesday states. If Biden is nominated and wins in November, African Americans will have picked a president.

After being ignored, unless we were needed as props or tokens, Black voters decided we needed to save ourselves from the possibility of running a sure loser against Trump in the general election. And that brings us to the other candidates; Pete was too young and still learning about racial justice, Amy centered her campaign around Midwestern whites, Liz was good at reaching Black Activists, yet not so much the rank and file, Bloomberg was missing the charisma we expected from a Big City Mayor (de Blasio? Also missing it.), Steyer was trying too hard to be the Un-Billionaire and Captain Planet and a number of other things at once, and then we have Bernie. What can we say about Bernie that won’t be used as proof that everything was rigged? Why did Bernie’s message fail to take hold of the collective Black Soul?

In other words, our survey suggests that if Sanders—or whomever Democrats ultimately choose—wants to win over black voters, a message stressing economic justice is not the best option; he needs to appeal explicitly to race.

Oh. Is this exactly what I have been saying for five fucking years just for me to get dismissed as practicing “Identity Politics?”

Why is a message emphasizing racism so effective, relative to the alternatives? Simply put, race is the principal identity that resonates with the black community. History makes clear that racism affects every aspect of African Americans’ lives, so much so that most members of the black community perceive that they share a common fate. This is not to say that class isn’t sometimes important, but when it comes to political engagement, racial identity is a more reliable predictor of black political behavior.

The thing that Bernie spent years railing against Dems for using to reach Black Voters–Identity Politics–appears to be the most effective way of reaching us, regardless of what the Senator may believe about the unifying nature of a “class” based message. He has stubbornly refused to adjust his message and tailor his policies to the voters, he instead attempts to fit the voters he needs into the plans he already has.

To win the nomination, Sanders must cut deeply into Biden’s African American edge.

So, Sanders is pulling a fast one in a last-ditch ploy to woo former President Barack Obama’s fervent and loyal base.

Uh oh.

“Feel the Bern,” the 30-second commercial released Wednesday by the Sanders campaign, is peppered with images of Obama and Sanders walking into the White House and sharing camaraderie.

Shit like this is another reason he fails with Black Voters. We’re not stupid. We know Bernie’s history of contention towards Obama, and it rather feels cheap and plastic how he uses Obama in a blatant attempt to pander for votes.

Yeah. I may have added a bit of context to this video, and I don’t feel one bit bad about it.

Chicago Sun-Times:

Black voters won’t fall for the okey-doke.

They know that Sanders’ footprint on issues of concern to African Americans was virtually invisible before he launched his 2016 run.

They know that Sanders has been a frequent Obama critic, and even considered challenging the president in the 2012 presidential primary.

They know where Obama stands. They know that when the time comes, Obama will be standing with Biden.

And crucially, they know, better than any other Democratic constituency, that electability matters most in 2020.

All true.

I just have one question.

When Bernie loses, do middle class neck-beards REALLY need to come screeching invectives at Black Women about how oppressed their Teslas are, just because Bernie lost? I’m just wondering, because if the non-stop histrionics in my mentions is predictive of just how poorly The Revolution is going to handle this year’s loss, I’m so moving to Canada and deleting my Twitter until 2022.

It’s My Birthday Week!! Everyone donate to my birthday fund and I’ll love you forever!

SunTimes

Guardian

WaPo

Politico

Bernie Sanders Uses Black Women As Human Shields To Cover Up For His Racist, Sexist Bros

Bernie Sanders is not some innocent victim of circumstances beyond his control when it comes to the outrageous behavior of his Revolution. This is no doddering old man who has no idea how social media works; since 2016, Sanders has been consistently ahead of the pack when it comes to engagement, and quite frankly, hyper-aware of how to utilize the diversification of social media platforms to his advantage. Bernie KNOWS about his Bros. And he knows they are out of control. So, why isn’t he doing something about these menacing marauders who spend their time abusing the very voters that Bernie WILL need come November, if he is the nominee?

What I’m hearing is, Bernie Sanders approves of it, he fosters a culture that rewards it, and he has no intention of doing a damn thing about it.

…Democratic activist who speaks regularly with Sanders campaign staff says it’s unlikely that Sanders will make any effort to rein in his staff or change their behavior, or that of his supporters, because he approves of it. “Bernie knows exactly what’s happening,” the activist said. “And his campaign is in the loop about this coordinated viciousness.” 

Wild and out of control, Bernie supporters are not a new thing, by ANY means. Bernie has been questioned about their behavior many many many times. So, when Bernie Sanders feigned ignorance about his “BernieBro” problem, blamed bots, and declared that those people were “not a part of his movement”, I didn’t believe a word he said. It wasn’t just that he came off like a weaker, and far more mealy mouthed version of Chuck Todd (Sorry, Chuck, IJS.). It also wasn’t just that he appeared to be a less evil, but just as crazy, version of President Trump. It IS partially the fact that I actually screamed when he called for “all supporters of campaigns” (All?) to behave like fucking adults; muthafucka what? It is only his own supporters that are acting out. That makes me gnash my teeth. We don’t engage in violent rhetoric just because someone likes a candidate, and doesn’t like ours.

If they’re not your supporters, Bernie?

Then what the fuck is this?

But a number of Democratic activists, strategists, and campaign insiders who know how Sanders operates say his protestations ring more than a bit hollow.

Bernie doesn’t mean a word he says about bullying, and his fans know it. The worst part of this past week has been the way in which Bernie utilized the skin color of two of his senior staffers, Briahna Joy Grey and Nina Turner, as a deflection shield and weapon against the citizens who complained of mistreatment by his Revolutionaries. Maybe Bernie uses all of those private jets in order to fly all that UTTER GALL he owns from campaign stop to campaign stop?

Sanders’ claim to “disown” supporters whose behavior crosses the line was far stronger a denunciation than what he’d offered days before, when his campaign responded to reports of the threats against Culinary officials with a statement urging “supporters of all campaigns” to refrain from “bullying or ugly personal attacks”. He appeared to excuse such conduct by his supporters in his next breath when he added that some of the “African-American women on [his] campaign” — including former Ohio State Senator Nina Turner, his national co-chair — had been subject to “disgusting” attacks as well. 

For days I have been silently fuming at the disrespect and erasure of the average Dem who found themselves targeted for abuse by simply expressing a lack of positive sentiment towards the Socialist Senator. Not only that, as a Black Woman, I interact with many other Black Women who are, like me, just regular citizens who come to social media to discuss politics.

“He denied everything in 2016, and then all of a sudden he wants to save 2020 when it’s actually his staff who are participating in these activities? Right,” she said, with more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice. 

“Everybody’s not doing it. They [the Sanders campaign] are doing it and they think it’s acceptable, and so they project it onto everybody else’s campaign.”

https://twitter.com/aravosis/status/1232127721997840385

Oh, look! It’s Ben Mora, a Michigan based Field Directors for the Bernie Sanders campaign. How is he a troll or a bot? Well, sure, he’s a troll, but he goddamn sure isn’t Russian or “Not a part of our movement,” as Sanders said recently. It’s just your average BernieBro that the Sanders camp wants to force you to shut the fuck up about. I have been dealing with the Ben Moras of the world for five years straight. How sad. Fuck You, Bernie.

And in my time dealing with Berners and Trolls, I have found that Black Women are attacked the most, hit the hardest, threatened more often, and usually the abuser remains in our mentions until blocked. Then, once they lose access to us, they simply open up another account, and then continue doling out a litany of insults about our intelligence, appearance, values, and even our commitment to our OWN race; all because we do not see Bernie Sanders as our savior.

And sadly, Bernie doesn’t even want to be our savior, not even from his own bros; saving Black Women is not on the WWC agenda that Bernie has been working on since around the time Lot’s Wife was turned into a pillar of salt. The only place Black Women seem to fit in in Bernie-world, is in the same place Diamond and Silk fit in when shielding Steve King from getting a public dragging about his racism.

“He got up on stage and used two black women as shields for him. That is a smack in the face to me because I have been working on this since 2013, and with the ways in which black women are being targeted online, it really doesn’t matter whose campaign they’re on,” she said. “But these two black women are participating in these tactics.” 

Bernie is not solely to blame for this racist behavior.

The two women involved are fully complicit, but, when you get right down to it, Bernie is in charge, and he doesn’t have to sanction any of this humiliating bullshit. This is a strange flip for a man and movement so opposed to identity politics that he once made a point to let women of color know that our color and womanhood don’t matter if we are not fighting the Oligarchy. Apparently, the Black Women Bernie has hired pass the Oligarchy fighting test. It appears that Brie Brie runs interference and crafts the gas-lighting tactics Sanders uses to dismiss criticism and play the victim. The cynicism involved in what she does when she flips the script from racist bros attacking Black Women to “using the term Berniebro is racist erasure of Bernie’s PoC and women supporters” is absolutely mind-blowing, hateful, racist, abusive, and she should go back to practicing law. Maybe she can defend some piece of shit used car salesmen?

“The ‘Bernie Bro’ smear” — is “racist erasure.” 

Let me be CLEAR. This lady is a goddamn liar who enjoys crafting White Victim-hood narratives so much that I would TOTALLY NOT be shocked if she pulled a Sammy Sosa on us one day. Hi, Brie Brie? I hear you went to Harvard. Why the fuck do you sound so goddamn stupid? Women and PoC are not being erased by us discussing the abuse we receive from the White Men in your movement. I am rarely ever bothered by women and PoC for Bernie. Stop acting dumb. I just want you to know that I think it’s great that life is all fun and games for you now, and it’s fine that you don’t care if we are abused; but you are marginalizing Black People and trivializing the REAL issue of ERASURE that holds us back. And you do it all in service to a culture of denialism and aggression that is fostered in your camp, and that you spread among the masses of your movement. We won’t forget what you did here, you will be reminded for the rest of your public life that you have never stood up for the marginalized. You are a front. You simply stood in the way of a solution.

“‘Bernie Bros exist,” she added. “What we’re trying to debate is how much of his following is white males versus everybody else, and so when the ‘Bernie Bros’ argument gets used, it’s not just being used because it’s some random narrative. It’s the people who actually come after others, and a his majority of following is quote-unquote white working class white men,” she continued.

I can’t find one lie.

“For her to say, Well, everyone else who is supporting Bernie and all the support he’s getting from all the brown community is being erased by saying ‘Bernie Bros’ is absurd… it’s like arguing about the 30 per cent of the white supremacists that are supporting Trump. This is stupid.”

You have my full permission to tell that maladjusted misfit, Al Sharpton’s 92 Press n’ Curl wearing, Dime Novel Dialogue using ass, gas-lighting, self-hating asshole to shut the fuck up saying BernieBro is a racist term. I feel terrible that a fellow Black Woman is willing to throw all of the rest of the Black Women who are suffering daily onslaughts all the entire way under the bus, in service to a White Man.

“Use it, and you’re complicit. It’s that simple,” Gray added.

Such statements, Mitchell said, start “misinformation conversations.”

She’s insane.

Instead, these insiders describe a campaign that has dispensed with the largely positive tone which characterized Sanders’ 2016 presidential run in favor of a combative, grievance-driven one. They say it is led by a team of “true believers” who have little experience with presidential campaigns, are too enthralled by Sanders to question or challenge him, and who knowingly wield swarms of angry, harassment-happy pro-Sanders social media users like any other tool in the campaign toolbox for a candidate who, despite claims to the contrary, is perfectly fine with it.

Um, I don’t remember Sanders ever having a largely positive tone, not this year, last year, or any of the ten years before that. Bernie lists out a litany of problems and struggles faced by the working class; he can tell you how many are homeless, what the poverty rate is, how many are in debt, and how we’re the richest nation on earth, so nobody should be suffering. He then offers you a FREE solution, paid for by anybody wealthier than you, it’s always paid for by someone else. Like Trump’s Wall. But, in order to get these wonderful things, there is something you must do first and foremost; you must take down the Democratic Establishment. You must destroy them for being in the way.

But before you can take them down, you must take down the average Democrat, which is why we are at the toxic place we are.

“Clearly, they think it’s a winning strategy. Beforehand, people just looked at the campaign as being kind of a little bit mean and nasty, but it’s gone up a notch and I think they probably feel justified [by polling results].”

Until we submit and agree to move to the place Sanders is, by ridding ourselves of these meddlesome Democrats, the beatings will continue. Bernie said and has been saying he is here to pretty much take on the entire party, take it over, and mold it into what he believes it should be. Sure, it takes a massive ego to believe you can take over a party and force them to suit your needs, but don’t put it past him. He’s already halfway there.

Independent

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