Problematic White Candidates Struggle In The Quest For Black Votes

Is the racial illiteracy primary almost over yet, please?

The Twitter portion of the primary has been a pernicious thing this cycle, especially for the most loyal Democrats, the stalwart Black Voter. Joe Biden holds the elder portion of the group close, along with many from other age groups. In fact, seemingly out of touch Joe has a group that totals out to be the majority of Black voters so far. Kamala Harris has her group of educated Black men and women in our 30s, 40s, and 50s, who stan for her all day. This is a group so loyal, we announced our support for her, long before she announced her run, and quietly tapped her the second she won her Senate seat. Bernie Sanders has the younger black set, and they get on my damn nerves. His group contains the leftist Black youth who believe in him and no one else because we’re all neoliberal. It’s annoying.

The rest of us are spread out among the Betos, Corys, a few with Liz, like 5 with Pete, 10 with Yang, and of course, we love Castro. This is the state of Black voter preference. Those of us who have already made our choices are unlikely to change our minds until the primary is over. This is a problem for some candidates, for we all know good and damn well that you cannot win the primary unless you can connect with Black voters. Even though we live in the time of Trump, we are surprisingly not really desperate to connect with people we don’t know. We’re a bit stressed the fuck out and we find it very hard to trust right now.

White Candidates Are Struggling To Secure Black Votes

All year we have heard about the epic struggle Pete Buttigieg has been having with Black Voters. So many diverse groups of various types of white people have diagnosed the malady that keeps Black voters from joining the Buttigieg Gang. Every single time they figure it out, they get the same dumb ass answer because they are using a white lens to view black people. From nearly the beginning of his campaign, Black voters have been accused of virulent homophobia, all because we are not interested in Doogie Howser MD. He has hovered between 0 and 1% of the Black vote for months. I explain why all the time. Nobody listens. He’s too young, we don’t know him, and the Black folks in South Bend don’t want him, so, why the fuck would we? It’s a no from us, dawg.

Pete Buttigieg is running for what reason and who is he? As I said, we don’t know him. But what we do know OF him and how he ran his city is enough for us to say “Oh, hell no!” and skate on by. What do we know about Pete?

First we heard he fired his Black police chief (but cannot fire the White one, I guess?) over recording some cops allegedly saying racist shit, then we saw that the 1000 homes plan was chock full of systemic racism/classism. Next thing we know, we hear an allegedly racially biased cop killed a black man in South Bend. Pete couldn’t fire him, and in August we heard BLM called for his resignation. Oh, and he recently had to drop a fundraiser involving a guy tied to the Laquan McDonald cover up.

But Pete wrote a plan to end racism!!!

Dude, if you were ever going to do something to help Black people, you would have done something about the 40% black poverty in South Bend. You can’t just write a plan after doing a shitty ass job on race relations and expect us to buy it. We’re not stupid. So, you can stop ALLEGEDLY leaking reports calling us homophobes. You’d be in the same position no matter who you married.

Besides, have you seen yourself at Black Church?

Good God. You’re like a walking bowl of Malt-o-meal.

Liz Warren Wrongfully Claimed Minority Status; Is Unapologetic

Liz Warren, the Queen of White Privilege, has also struggled to make headway with Black people. Periodically, we get new poll numbers saying she is gaining with Black voters, and her fans immediately become insufferable. This never materializes into visible Black People actually representing her brand besides celebrities that we don’t listen to. Her movement remains shocked that her insubstantial, shallow, evasive, gish-gallop style approach to answering questions doesn’t inspire us.

I have seen them irate because I don’t find hastily written gimmick plans one bit cute, helpful, or likely to become law. They seem peeved that we demand answers on why Liz Warren became a minority at 40 years old, after being White her entire life.

How does a woman attend an all white high-school, go to college and raise children, become a Professor who teaches Empirical Research, yet does no research on whether she qualifies as a minority before claiming our status? Why did she call herself a minority because she had an ancestor five or ten generations back who was a PoC? Is she that fucking stupid or does she think we’re all that fucking stupid?

I keep hearing, “SHE BELIEVED HER FAMILY STORIES!!!” Are you all on drugs?

This is a stupid fucking answer and you make her sound like an idiot.

The fact is, she had a law degree. In her profession, people should have been able to trust that she would research before making any claims. Liz Warren never qualified as a minority, she carried that status fraudulently, and she has never quite explained why she felt entitled to do what she did.

Oh, look. She says by legal standards..she isn’t a minority. When the fuck are you ever going to explain why the fuck you did that?

On that subject she straight up fails, no matter how many times she or her surrogates try to frame or re-frame the issue to make it solely about whether she benefited or not, questions remain unanswered.

From Boston Globe:

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Harvard Law School also used Warren’s ethnicity internally in December 1995 to bolster the case that they didn’t need to hire more minorities (even though publicly the law school continued to pledge support for diversity).

“The utilization for minority senior faculty is 9.94 percent, and the availability is 5.63 percent,” reads the dry language in Harvard’s 1996 Affirmative Action Plan in a section about tenured professors at the law school. “Minorities are not underrepresented in this job group.”

Harvard Law School’s spokesman at the time, Michael Chmura, then cited her as evidence that Harvard Law School was more diverse than most realized.

“Although the conventional wisdom among students and faculty is that the Law School faculty includes no minority women, Chmura said Professor of Law Elizabeth Warren is Native American,” according to an October 1996 article in the Harvard Crimson. Similar claims were made in at least three other news stories.

Warren doesn’t have a direct answer for whether her claims — even though they do not appear to have benefited her during her professional rise — might have harmed the efforts of others to press for more diversity at the overwhelmingly white institution.

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This.  As a woman of color, I have seen white women cosplay as black, call themselves Strong Black Women, all off the strength of some random “mulatto” ancestor they discovered. Or a 23 and Me.  The ancestor is usually someone who died in 1853 or earlier, and these women never lived one second as black women in black culture or faced any of the discrimination. Yet they will claim our status at work, represent Blackness for us, and become a barrier to our success.

Some Black Women aren’t buying the story that Liz didn’t benefit professionally, and they aren’t interested in engaging in spiritual bypass for the sake of unity.

Daily Beast

Because self-identifying as a member of a disenfranchised group for professional gain is appalling. Her unwillingness to admit how appalling and exploitative her behavior was and how insulting and harmful this kind of fraud is makes her uniquely ill-suited to counter a president who exploits ethnic politics to divide us daily.

Let’s be real. When Warren came out with her DNA results, I went into a full cringe and felt entirely too embarrassed by her shenanigans to even make a comment. The proud look she had on her face like she had just OWNED Trump by proving exactly what he had been saying made me think, “This woman is legit kookoo.”

There she stood, waving around evidence that she was one trillionth South American, proudly becoming the biggest political joke of the week. Trump looked smart as fuck like he never has when up against ANY DEM in his LIFE. And she was planning on running for President? I knew that AT LEAST Black Voters weren’t going to want to deal with that hot mess.

Unfortunately, she IS running for President.

 

 

Daily Beast

Boston Globe

 

Chain Wielding Joe Biden Terrorized Some Kid Named Corn-Pop For Jumping on Diving Board

Corn-Pop’s Cat Denies Corn-Pop Was The Aggressor

So, I was sitting in my room, logged into twitter on several accounts when that thing happened with Biden. I’ve said before that Biden has a habit of telling the most unbelievable stories in the Universe. There is an argument to be made that Brian Williams should be allowed to challenge Biden to a round of ground and pound in the Octagon. Or maybe 3 rounds.

“Corn-Pop and B-Dog!” was the message I got from Willie, and I said to myself, “Did his cat start a gang or something?” His cat is a model, but not a punk, so, anything is possible. Alas, I was not to be treated to any photos of cats in bandanas with a caption saying, “Mi vida gato 4 life!” That would have been funny. It was about some guy named Corn-Pop that Joe Biden terrorized at a Wilmington pool back in 1773. Give or take a few years.

I am here to tell you that the story Joe Biden told about “Corn-Pop” is NOT A FUNNY LIGHTHEARTED TALE.

Let’s watch now:

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Hahahaha! No. This shit isn’t a joke. Bernie Sanders was possibly a young black kid at that pool that day, let’s just say he was for the sake of the narrative. Poor Bernie was just trying to cool off and relax in the only place with both water and boobies. He was 13, for this story. Bernie’s chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool, when suddenly White Joe brought a chain out to the pool. He saw a couple of white guys, knew they were up to no good, he thought “Why are they even here in the Black Neighborhood?” He saw one little fight, and his mom looked gaunt. She said “You’re moving with the white people up in Vermont!”

This really happened. Allegedly.

On to little Corn-Pop. Unable to join the Cub Scouts like he had always dreamed, or even the Boy Scouts, due to Jim Crow preventing him from joining, Corn-Pop had started his own LEADERSHIP group. As I told you before, Willie’s cat is a MODEL, he knows people, and this is the verbatim retelling of the story Willie’s cat got from a cat whose 22nd great-grandpa was AT THE POOL that day. Small world.

Now, Corn-Pop was doing this leadership mentoring all on his own, he had no training, but the neighborhood boys needed mentorship, so he did what he could. As he arrived that fateful day, he was in a particularly good mood. He had gotten behind on some classes and had to do summer school in order to graduate. Just that morning he had received his diploma in the mail! He was so proud that he forgot to put on his swim cap, and he gave a few extra jumps on the board. Like most teenage boys, he had a bit of extra energy. This became his downfall.

The crazy white man in the Lifeguard Booth became irate and yelled the most horrible transphobic things. Corn-Pop knew that in order to be a good leader, he should de-escalate this situation. He called out an invite to the white man, asking him to come to his car and smoke some cigs and chat. For some reason, it made the white man EVEN angrier. He kicked Corn-Pop out!

Being a good leader was important to Corn-Pop, so he stayed to try to work the situation out with that crazy ass white dude. He couldn’t believe his eyes when Jumpin’ Joe arrived with a chain wrapped around his arm and threats on his lips. Well, Corn-Pop was apprehensive, to say the least. He looked over and saw little Bernie crying, that hurt his heart, he was mad now.

“Bernie, run!! Save yourself from the crazy white man!! Tell your mom!!” is all Corn-Pop could manage to get out before Wildman Joe began to approach. Corn-Pop did the only thing an untrained mentor could do. He pulled out his grandpa’s razor and said, “Look, sir. I’d appreciate it if you stayed out of my personal space. Please and thank you.”

The White guy looked embarrassed, he apologized to Corn-Pop, which was accepted graciously. Now his cat is telling him that Joe is making up lies about what happened that day. Corn-Pop just wants to clear his name.